Seen through by a lady...

Sometime ago I was visited by this one aunty lah. Supposely this aunty is a medium that can do fortune telling. I thought I would give it a go. However there was no question on my mind at the moment other than my studies. My mom as always asked for me. And like all mediums, they would offer the same reply. All I believe in is hardwork and you'll get it. Apparently I haven't work hard enough cause I've been doing mistakes constantly during my exams. Sheesh!

It took her moment after the whole ceremony until she suddenly talked to me. I got frightened and oddly I suddenly understood what she was talking about. Well at least most lah since I don't really understand Chinese. She told me how I was frustrated of being pushed around by my friends. Her advice was to believe in my ability as I have it; and not bother what others say, if they say you can't, believe in yourself you actually can.

Another thing is she suddenly voiced out my inner heart about wanting to be independant. Honestly I'm fed up of having my parents to arrange things for me. And when interests suddenly spark in me, they would be the first to fire it down. For example, when I turned down Biology, my dad would go yapping about how it helps in life blah blah blah...blah blah blah...like one of my friend. Well, I hated Biology and I knew I never wanted it in my life. Consider I'm narrowing down my scope.

I just want it to be that when I do express my interest, they DON'T TURN IT DOWN over their selfish reasonings. Instead see it in another whole perspective generally and try to understand. They can reject of course but not over trivial reasons like, "Ask your dad first," It's my money okay? Since when is this his problem?

Because you want your children to be good ah? Please lah, you're ruining my social personality. Grrr...so fuck lah if I'm like that? You got problem meh? I be what I want to be lah, it's not your life right. [Needs to cool down because she's too piss to be rational at the moment]. Now I believe I do have conscious and decisions. I'm just giving chance to people to push me around. Anyway, after I finish my exams, I'm going to lead my life the way I want it to be of course surviving on my own money lah. FUCK LAH I NEED MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE LAH. Get my own life, lead it my ownself, do things the way I want it. No everytime when I go out must HAVE THEIR STUPID PERMISSION. SINCE WHEN THEY ASKED MY PERMISSION TO TAKE CARE OF MY SIS WHEN THEY WANT TO GO OUT? And they always believe I'm doing nonsense; you know what? IF I'M STAYING ANY MINUTE LONGER IN THIS HOUSE, I'M GOING TO SUICIDE ON THE SPOT.

And here they always complain how I'm not opened up. Well, there's NO EXAMPLE IN MY LIFE TO OPEN UP TO. OPPS... WAIT SHE'S GONE! I USED TO HAVE HER NOW I DON'T...SO FUCK OFF. [Crap I'm losing it...sorry guys, I'm ending everything now cause I'm not much in the mood]

Gah...I've been making so much examinations mistakes, it's frustrating to me at the moment that I'm ranting this MUCH!